🙃 That Time I Almost Became a Youtuber...

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Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Off The Grid Clubhouse.

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This is one of my casual minisodes where I share something that I've been thinking

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about or that has been happening in my business recently.

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Before I dive into today's topic, I just want to say thank you for being a member of the Clubhouse.

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And I also want to let you know that I have a secret little maybe embarrassing

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inside my heart and soul goal.

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of making it to 100 Clubhouse members by the end of the year.

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And I think we're at about 80 right now.

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So if you know anyone who you think would love the Clubhouse,

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I would be super grateful if you would share it with them.

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Or if there's a friend who recommended Off the Grid to you,

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but isn't here in the Clubhouse,

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I would be super honored if you would be like,

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hey,

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are you still listening to Off the Grid?

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Because the Clubhouse is great.

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And I think you might like it.

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And it's only $5 a month or whatever.

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I would be super grateful.

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So I'm going to just make that little tiny plug request ask.

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It feels a little vulnerable to be like,

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you're here,

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you're amazing,

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but also like maybe a little more,

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please.

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But I think it's good practice as business owners to ask for what we need to

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support our work and our lives,

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et cetera.

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So here I am asking and thank you for supporting in any way that you can,

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even just by listening,

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you're energetically supporting the show today.

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And I really appreciate that.

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So today I have hopped on the mic to tell you a little bit about a new podcast that

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I'm launching,

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but it's really not about the podcast itself.

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Like that's kind of here nor there.

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You're welcome to subscribe to it, but that's not why I'm showing up to talk about it today.

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The reason I'm talking about this is because I want to just share with you a little

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bit of how I go about starting a new project.

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And I want to kind of pull back the curtain on how I

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much I have to resist the temptation of going back to platforms that maybe aren't social media itself.

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I don't really feel tempted back to Instagram or Facebook or something like that,

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but I still get really tempted by these social media-esque platforms.

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And so in this casual mini-sode,

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I'm going to talk to you about this new podcast that I've decided to launch.

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And

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how I got really, really tempted to take it to YouTube and then take it to Substack.

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And then in the end,

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I was able to really center in what my actual desire for this project is and why I

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want it to just be a podcast the way that many of my other projects have been.

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So this fall, I

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I am launching a podcast called Pleasure Reading,

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and it is a show about the books that I've been reading,

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particularly a show about kind of curating little book collections of things that

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I've read on certain themes.

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Like I've got one planned on hashtag girl boss influencer books.

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I've got one planned on like fictionalized aughts celebrities because somehow I've

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read like three books that are like fake gossip girl commentary over the past year.

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Yeah.

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I've got some ideas for a horror list and a creature feature list.

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And I also want to do some ranking of authors who I've read all of their books,

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like Sally Rooney or Riley Sager.

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I read a lot.

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Maybe I don't talk about that so much, but I've read over 110 books so far this year.

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And that's where the seed of this came from, because I realized that I was reading so much and

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And in the past, I had one or two friends that I could kind of talk to about books.

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But one of those friends is getting married this year.

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So she has not been reading very much.

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And like, I totally understand that.

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But I have definitely felt the lack of my book chats with her.

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And I've got some other book friends.

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But I haven't really had anybody who's into some of the like creepier side of the things that I'm on.

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I really love horror.

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I know that's maybe uncommon in these sort of like soft books.

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business spaces, but it's true about me.

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It's one of my fave genres of books or films.

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And so I was just feeling like I want to be sharing about what I've been reading.

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And it started with that seed.

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I've been reading a lot and I want to share about it.

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And from there,

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I started to imagine different ways that I could share and to think about what form

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would I want this to take if I'm going to start a public sharing practice around

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what I've been reading.

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So the first idea I had was to do a Substack newsletter because I follow a lot of readers on Substack.

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It's partially how I read so much because I am just consuming recommendations all

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the time and constantly adding things to my library holds,

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which is why I currently have 13 books checked out from the library and 23 books on

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hold from the library,

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all of which are fall reads I want to get in and a few

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lingering summer reads that I didn't get to.

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So I am always like,

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reading these recommendation newsletters and adding things to my library holds or

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my TBR to be reading list if you're not in the bookish world.

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And a newsletter was tempting.

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But when I started to imagine creating that newsletter, I was like, this feels tiring.

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This feels exhausting.

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I don't really want to be about like writing blurbs for all the books explaining why I recommend them.

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And

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and putting it together in this way.

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I was just like, pretty immediately, I kind of like a body check into intuition check on it.

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And I was like, that's not for me.

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So then I was like,

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maybe I should start a booktube channel,

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because I subscribe to a ton of booktube people.

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And

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So, BookTube is like book recommenders and discussion folks on YouTube, as you might expect.

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And I mean, I have literally watched two hour long recommendation videos.

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I think I talked about this in another episode.

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Like, I love to hear people talk about books, see what they're reading.

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get their take on different things.

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Or sometimes I will read a book and then like want that sort of social interaction around it.

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So I will go to booktube and have that sort of like parasocial interaction of like

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listening to someone talk about what they enjoyed about the book or didn't enjoy

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about the book or,

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you know,

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if they had a similar perspective or take that I did on something in the plot,

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etc.

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So I was like, maybe I should do this.

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And I thought about it for quite a while and went down even more booktube rabbit holes.

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And I was like, maybe.

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I kind of left it on the back burner.

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I was like, this could be it.

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And then, of course, the third thing I considered for this public sharing practice was a podcast.

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because hello, it's me.

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I recently told my partner that I think I'm just five podcasts in a trench coat.

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All I do is make podcasts, and I love making podcasts.

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So I was like, well, it should probably be a podcast then, right?

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Podcasting is my favorite form to create things.

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It's the easiest way for me to create.

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I find it way easier to just talk off the cuff about something than I do to write about something.

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And so I landed on, I'm going to make a podcast about the books that I'm reading.

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And you would think that was the final decision, right?

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Cool.

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I considered newsletter on Substack.

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I considered YouTube channel.

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I landed on podcast.

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Here I am.

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Now I'm starting a podcast about the books I read.

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But this is actually the point where all of the FOMO and the temptation started to creep in.

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Because when I started to create the podcast,

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pretty quickly I was like,

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oh,

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if I'm going to be recording audio for this,

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I should just record video.

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I'm going to be in Riverside anyway.

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Might as well just record audio and video in Riverside.

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And then I was like, oh, so if I'm going to have the video, I should put it on YouTube.

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And then I can add in little like screenshots of the book covers and I can make it

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a little more visually engaging and I can practice video podcasting.

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My clients ask me about video podcasting.

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I should do more video podcasting.

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I should practice.

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I should get better at this.

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I should see if I can make it work.

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And pretty quickly, I was like full on planning a booktube channel and I was like far down that path.

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Until literally one night at 1am,

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when I am in bed on my iPad,

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listening to my dog snore and scrolling through booktube videos,

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as I often do,

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I noticed that I was already getting caught in this compare and despair cycle.

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I wasn't even present in the space.

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But just the idea of launching a booktube channel had me looking at,

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well,

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how many subscribers does this person have?

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And how many subscribers does this person have?

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And wow, I love this creator, but they only have 1000 subscribers.

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And this other person I watch has over 100,000.

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So probably like, should I care more about what that person says than what this creator says?

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And then I would look at like,

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oh my gosh,

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this person only has 8000 followers,

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but they've made over 500 videos.

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Can I imagine putting in that much work to get

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this number of subscribers.

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And then I started looking at all the editing techniques that they were doing.

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And then I started realizing how often they were just reading books for the sake of

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talking to other booktubers about the popular books.

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And I was like, whoa, I don't think I should create a YouTube channel.

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Because the whole reason I love social media was to not spin out like this.

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And before I even got myself on BookTube, I was already spinning out in that way.

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I was already comparing and despairing.

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I was already stressed about being on trend with content.

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And I realized that I had gotten sucked in to the promises of YouTube.

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And already forgotten all of my journey to leaving social media and all the reasons I did that.

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And so, of course, I didn't forget.

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I didn't actually create it.

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I didn't have to spend years working on it to come to this conclusion again.

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I spent one late night scrolling session getting sucked in and then was like,

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oh,

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wait,

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I don't do this anymore.

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I create in different ways.

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I create in slower ways.

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I create in more values aligned ways.

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So I pulled myself back to the public sharing practice.

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That is what I want.

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I want a public sharing practice.

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I don't want a YouTube channel.

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I don't want this platform specific machine.

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That's not what I was wanting.

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I want a public practice to share about the books that I read.

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So YouTube was officially off the table.

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I was back to making a podcast.

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The next thing that happened is I thought about,

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well,

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if I'm making a podcast,

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should I still host it on Substack?

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Because then I can have a newsletter and I can get email addresses and I can speak

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directly to the people listening to the podcast.

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Because in my head,

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I was like,

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the problem with social media is that you don't get direct access to the people

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that are following you.

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And in podcasting, you also don't get direct access to the people who are subscribed to your show.

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But on Substack, you can get that direct access.

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And so I started thinking about doing this on Substack.

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But again,

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that led me right to looking at all of the book newsletters I already follow,

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noticing how big they were,

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noticing how many paid subscribers they had.

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All of a sudden,

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I was creating a monetization plan for this whole project that I had never intended

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to monetize because I got so sucked into the Substack way of doing things.

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I got platform-pilled in a certain sense,

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and my project had once again morphed into something that was pretty far away from

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the seed of what I really wanted to make.

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So I spent that day going down the Substack rabbit hole,

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and then I had this realization yet again that this project was not about a platform.

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It was about cultivating a public practice for sharing what I read and

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And I came back to, I do want it to be a podcast.

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And I don't need to be on YouTube or to be on Substack for it to be a podcast.

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I know how to make a podcast.

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You'll be shocked to discover as someone who knows I have about five podcasts,

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I know how to make a podcast.

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And so I am making a podcast.

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It's going to be called Pleasure Reading.

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It's going to be a show about the pleasure of reading that features curated book

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lists or rankings of different authors' works and other bookish things that I want

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to talk about.

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I have dreams of having some of my friends on to share their like five fave reads of the season.

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But the reason I wanted to share this is to take you behind the scenes a bit and show you that like

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I still get pulled toward these platforms.

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It's so easy to get sucked into all the promises that YouTube will make you, right?

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Great search algorithm.

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You can just make content and it'll be monetized and YouTube will put ads on it and

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you never have to connect with advertisers or do anything like all the promises of YouTube.

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or to get sucked into all the promises of Substack, right?

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Like combine your podcast and a newsletter, great discoverability, super easy to monetize.

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Like those promises are appealing.

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And if that's what you want to do, that's great.

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I did a whole episode on how for the off the grid clubhouse,

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you know,

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the vision was I wanted a paid podcast and newsletter.

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Substack had that functionality.

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It made so much sense to bring this clubhouse to Substack.

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But for my book podcast, I just wanted a public sharing practice.

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Like that's what I was looking for.

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And I wanted it to be a podcast.

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And I think the other layer there is I wanted it to be fun.

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I wanted to enjoy it.

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Reading is one of the few things in my life that I do purely for the pleasure of it.

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And if I'm going to podcast about reading, the podcasting process needs to be pleasurable as well.

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And if I try to position myself in a super metrics-saturated comparative platform

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like YouTube or Substack or separately Instagram,

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Facebook,

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any of those places,

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if I position myself in those platforms...

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I find it almost impossible not to pick up their goals and pick up what success

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means to them and to the people there.

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It is so hard to stay centered in what matters to you when you are like swimming in

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the sea of messaging around what should matter to you.

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And so me and my podcast are just going to launch on an RSS feed and I'm going to

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put it out there and we'll see if people find it.

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And honestly, it doesn't actually matter to me if they do.

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Like this is a personal project.

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This is a creative project.

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It will live under the Softer Sounds umbrella.

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I've been thinking about different ways to have more shows on like kind of the

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Softer Sounds quote unquote network.

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I've got Off the Grid, I've got the Softercast, I put my Tiny Tarot podcast over there.

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So I'm like, this can be another show in this Softer Sounds podcast universe.

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I'm like my own Marvel over here.

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But even though it will live there, I know from the outset that the goal is pleasure.

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That's why I called it pleasure reading, because I really want to center in the pleasure of reading.

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And because reading for pleasure was already a podcast name.

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So I didn't feel like I could steal that from them.

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Or I didn't want to steal that from them.

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But pleasure reading works for me for now.

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So again, I'm centering in what is my desire here?

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I have a desire to share what I've been reading.

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And then how do I want it to feel?

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I want it to feel fun.

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And then what is the end result I want from doing this?

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In this instance, it's just the pleasure of doing it.

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And I think perhaps it would be great if it connected with some other people.

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I also,

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if I'm being super honest,

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I'm like,

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well,

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maybe I'll get like a NetGalley account and read some ARCs or maybe I'll like write

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off some of my book expenses since it lives under the softer sounds umbrella now,

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you know,

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like there are some small things that play into that.

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But really the goal is to read for the pleasure of reading and share for the pleasure of sharing.

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And I think one final desire that feels pretty clear to me around this project is

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that I would like to just engage with the books I'm reading on a deeper level.

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And I don't want to have to join a book club.

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I mean, I love book clubs.

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I've been in plenty, but there isn't one that's local to me that feels interesting.

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And I really just can't spend any more time on Zoom than I do for work.

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And when I did my Tiny Tarot podcast,

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I just found that making those episodes really got me engaging with each tarot card

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in a much deeper way.

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And I think that podcasting about the books I read will also have me engaging with them in a deeper way.

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I think it'll make me a more active reader.

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And I'm hoping that it will also help me just like remember the things I read better.

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I think sometimes I just like read on autopilot and I'm like speed reading and then

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I forget literally everything the moment I close the book when I'm done.

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So,

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you know,

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I'm also hoping that this project will bring a little retention,

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will help a little bit with remembering what I read.

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But really, again, it's centered in the pleasure of reading, the pleasure of sharing, and

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And I got so sucked into the YouTube rabbit hole and the Substack rabbit hole.

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And I almost strayed so far from those desires that are the whole reason I was

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going to do this in the first place.

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And I would love to know if that's ever happened to you.

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I think that's kind of the whole story I wanted to share.

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But I would love to hear from you.

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I mean,

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I know that many of you have often have also felt sucked into YouTube or Substack

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or Instagram or whatever it may be.

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But I would love to hear like, is there an example like this in your life?

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Is there a project that you feel like got pulled really far away from the original

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like seed of what you wanted for it?

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Did you get sucked down a rabbit hole and then you stayed there?

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Did you find a way to pull yourself back before you went and launched a whole

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business around something that actually maybe you don't even care about?

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Speaking to myself.

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So I would love to hear if you can relate to this, if you have any experiences like this.

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And of course, if you are a reader yourself, I would love it.

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If you did want to listen to Pleasure Reading, you can subscribe now.

(00:18:44.787):
I'll put the link below or you can search anywhere you listen to podcasts and you

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will find the trailer for the show there.

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I make no promises about when episodes will come out, how often they will come out.

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My consistency practice lives within off the grid.

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And every other show I make is up to my own whims of how often I want to make it.

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So we'll see what happens.

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But for now, I hope to see you in the comments.

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Thank you so much for listening to this mini-sode of my musings on creative

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projects and the temptation of the platforms.

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And until next time, I will see you off the grid and in the clubhouse.

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Let's go off the grid.

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Okay.

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Let's go off the grid.

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Okay.

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I know that you really want to put your phone away.

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Yeah.

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Let's go off the grid.

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Okay.